the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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