Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
