"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
bring money and cleavage
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
