To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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