TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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