Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
