and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
