I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
