i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
