i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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