If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
