You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
