so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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