it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he puts the penis in happiness.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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