i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
