It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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