Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
