just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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