I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
