i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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