Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
