i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
