Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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