I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
