Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
