you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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