tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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