ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
3pm strippers are depressing
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
