i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
