the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
