he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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