A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
