My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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