Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I supernannyed him into submission
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
