I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
