She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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