Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
