He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
