Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
