____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
