your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Did I show you my penis last night?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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