I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
