I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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