dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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