you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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