need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
