So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can't put those talents on a resume
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
