i jhust puked up my retainher.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
