I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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