Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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